Why I don't want to go back to mommy's house

by VSB

1. Mommy knows that any absolute silence in the jungle signals a very very bad thing... she knows that if I'm quiet for even a minute I'm hatching plans to take over the world.

1a. It did not escape Mommy's notice that it only took 1 day to take over my preschool

1b. Mommy doesn't generally let me get away with these things.

2. Mommy means no when she says no and no matter which noisy, obnoxious tactic I employ, I never get her to change her mind.

3. I'm generally in the middle of something really really fun when Daddy says it's time to go back to Mommy's. Darn her for always needing me back when I'm just getting into something. You'd think she'd wise up and stop being consistent with her days and times .

4. Mommy makes me bathe, brush my teeth and clips my nails.

5. Mommy doesn't think Cheetos are a vegetable. No matter how I try to tell her anything longish, slim, and orange qualifies, she just won't buy it.

6. Mommy doesn't think that 10 minutes jello-necked in the back of a moving vehicle qualifies as a nap. Ever.

7. Mommy won't buy me things just cuz I say I want them and Daddy has all ready bought them for me at his house.

8. Mommy won't let me scale buildings like Spiderman, drive her car like Batman, or fly off the steps like Superman. Something about her not being willing to let me figure out how awesome her hospital's ER is.

9. In Mommy's house, words with more than three letters shouted in fury are discouraged.

10. And finally, Mommy does NOT think the "purple nurple" is funny.