Dear Dr.Halfway

You are indeed halfway there.  The problem is, you can't seem to go all the way.

1) You can write orders but you can't remember them.  If I get chewed out one more time in front of a patient and family for following your NPO orders instead of feeding them we're going to have a problem.  I don't just starve people because I have a fat phobia.  

2) If you're going to treat a really really sick patient that's out of your depth, you MUST listen to those around you who know what they are doing.  Rigors that look like seizures with a temp of 40C unresponsive to Tylenol with a HR of 160's is not ok.  There's a reason God made vecuronium.  

3) If you're going to do the right thing and feed the gut, do not blow off the dietician who spent over an hour reviewing your extensive list of useless medications, calculating the kcal in the propofol I'm infusing at over 80mcg/kg/min and backtracking through our cumbersome charting to find that patient's dry weight.

4) It is good that you have actually provided us with contact information.  It only took you two months.  But now you must answer your pages.  

5) I, along with most of the other RNs around you, do not care who your partner is.  And we do not want to see you googly eyed when you talk to that hot neurologist.  He bats for my team.

6) Most men buy overpriced, loud, shiny cars to make up for their shortcomings.  You admitted you drive a hybrid so you must have decided shoes were the way to compensate.  Hint: if they're slipping totally off your heel when fully tied they are too big and you look ridiculous.  Watching your size 9 self kalump around in size 11 shoes is annoying.